Fog

Hello, I am Tera! You can read a tad about me and my sweet family in the about section of our blog. Mostly you will learn about me through my posts! My page will probably have lots of glorious (that’s what we will call it) motherhood moments, an occasional recipe from my once monthly home cooked meals (okay, I’m not that bad about it), Diy crafts that may or may not have turned out, and sometimes just random thoughts that I feel like writing about (I can sense your excitement already)!

Originally, I had a post in mind that would have been light hearted, fun, and (in my opinion), somewhat humorous. Thus is the life with a child and I love every day of it! But, I’ve since decided to post something quite different; it’s me being raw and vulnerable with you all, and just…real. My intent is for this to [hopefully] be relatable and encouraging for what readers come my way–and I pray that it will be!

When tough times come our way, I automatically think to myself: “Okay, what can God be trying to teach me through this?” Sometimes these situations ease quickly, and a sigh of relief can be breathed. Sometimes, much like we have found ourselves at current, these times are a lot like a thick fog in which you cannot see what is ahead of you except for one. step. at. a. time. Through a lot of prayer, I feel like what God is trying to teach me the most in our current obstacle, is to have all of my t r u s t placed in Him. Now I know, you’re like “really, Tera?” Yes, really. Trust. Such a simple word with SO much depth to it. This is something that (for me, anyway) is so easy to say and to think in my brain…”Okay God, I trust you with this.”; “Do I trust God? Of course I do!” But I have found that allowing my heart to believe in this and to rest in it is totally different. I still want some control with my life, my family, my successes. There is still a teensy part of me that wants to have a back-up plan “just incase” God doesn’t show up like He says He will. And He has! Over and over again He remains faithful to me, even despite my doubts! It’s my selfish human nature that wants control, and it is something God has called me out on.

My husband and I both felt God’s calling to move to Colorado for ministry in a church plant at the beginning of last year. Through a lot of planning, raising support, and more prayer, we found ourselves here in the Springs by August. This took a big leap of faith for us (me in particular). You see, we had a [beautiful] daughter in February of last year–you will hear lots about her on my blog in future posts–and moving to a place where we knew nobody while also being a new mom, was not appealing to me. Fundraising for our living expenses, was not appealing to me. Moving away from our family and friends, also, not appealing to me. God really pulled us both out of our comfort zones (let’s face it, He loves doing this!), and though it was scary and held a lot of unknowns, we took that leap of faith and felt a great sense of peace about it all. We raised our support in less then two months, felt as if we were already making life long friends before even moving out here, and we just knew it was God’s hand on us through the whole process. This was one of those quick *sigh* of relief moments. Hashtag blessed<<< We were this family. Through different circumstances that I will not go into detail with here, almost 8 months after our ministry began with this church plant, we found ourselves suddenly no longer a part of this family. [Side note: This was nothing immoral or wrong done by us, just merely different views amongst a few things.]  This is one of those thick fogs that we are just trying to see through to our next step. This is where the trust lesson comes in for me.

You see, trusting God to move out here was the easy part. He wanted us here; those doors were flung open for us (He was not so subtle with this)! The hard part is where we find ourselves now: with no job, no understanding of God’s plan for us, no direction. A whole lot of questions and confusion: Why would He call us here for such a short time? Where are we supposed to be now? What just happened (ha! this is literally a question we have asked ourselves)? What next? This is where that teensy part of me is wanting to control the shots, and to take care of everything and make it all better. But through a lot of tears and prayers, God has shown me how important to Him my utmost trust is. To know that He is who He says He is, and to trust God for His undying faithfulness, not for my circumstance.

Ironically enough, our neighbor had given me a book not too long ago, called Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. An excerpt from the first chapter stuck out to me, and it reads: “Brennan, you don’t need anymore insights into the faith,” he observed. “You’ve got enough insights to last you three hundred years. The most urgent need in your life is to trust what you have received” (p.1). We can drive ourselves crazy trying to find understanding of these situations that just do not add up in our heads. They sting, there’s hurt, frustration, confusion..we pray for God to show us the reasoning for it all. What we forget sometimes, is that His wisdom far exceeds our own. God knows exactly what we need to know about certain things, and what we don’t need to know (though our human nature is quite nosy and we tend to think we deserve to know all the details). He knows we don’t need all of the details to get us where He wants us. This is where He wants our trust! I have found this to be so true in this season my family is in. I find it impossible to have trust and knowledge mutually. If we knew all of the details of our future, would we need to trust God with our lives? Would it give us the chance to grow in our faith, or would it harbor our faith and go lukewarm? Though my mind was going a million miles a minute (does it ever really stop? I don’t know), trying to make sense of my life and trying to find solutions for my problems, I felt God tug on my heart and say “Tera, trust Me. I have not forgotten about you.” That was the point in which I finally decided to lean on Him, and trust Him because of who He is to me, not because of what my human emotions were feeling in the moment. I learned to pray for trust over clarity; that it was more important for me to trust God now, than it was to possess more knowledge. That wasn’t going to change my circumstances, and may invite bitterness to creep in. There were ugly tears, guys. It was not a beauty pageant moment on my part to say the least. But I was real with God, and I laid it on Him; all my frustrations, confusion, hurt, doubts. He can handle it all, He even tells us to load it on Him– and He still meets us with His gentle grace. He picks us up, brushes us off and fills us with His strength and peace. He tells us “I am right beside you. You can do this.” What an awesome God.

I cannot tell you that God clearly spoke to me and gave me direction on exactly what is next for us. I can only tell you the peace I felt when I finally gave the questions and the frustration and the unknown back to God. To feel the weight of these things come off my shoulders and to know that they are not unknown to Him, that all of this comes together in His overarching plan for our lives, gives a great sense of peace to me, even though the fog is still so dense! There is no greater feeling than the sense of intimacy with God when you are hurting. He wants to walk with you through it all…better yet, He wants to Lead you through that scary dense fog of unknown future. Sometimes, in order for Him to lead us through to that next step, it requires a daily devotion of trust in Him. It may be one small step at a time, but each time we choose to trust and take a step, God is slowly pulling us out of the fog. We have to allow Him to use certain things in our life to teach us, refine us, build our faith, and have the opportunity to experience Him at work when we are seemingly helpless. I challenge you, next time you feel like you are walking through the thick fog, to choose to trust God with the nitty gritty details and the scary unknown, hold His hand tight, and say “God, lead me through it.”

“Trust is our gift back to God, and He finds it so enchanting that Jesus died for love of it” (Ruthless Trust p.2).

Peace and love,

-Tera

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